15 things you'll only know if you're a committed night owl

16th Apr 19 | Lifestyle

The night is dark, and full of errors.

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It can be frustrating, being a night owl. We often have the best of intentions regarding beneficial bedtimes, but these are invariably cast aside in a haze of emails, Netflix and poor self-discipline.

On the plus side, studies have shown that night owls tend to be more intelligent. On the flip side those same studies suggest that health and happiness tend to suffer.

Whether you can’t sleep or just won’t – the night owl sees the world through a range of different perspectives. Here are just 15 of them…

1. At night, time moves twice as fast

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We’re not sure if it’s a hangover from childhood – when every minute past bedtime is a minute gained – but it feels like the night should stretch on for all eternity. In reality, one moment it’s 11 and you’re catching up on Line Of Duty, the next it’s 3am and you’ve been condemned to exhaustion by cat video.

2. It’s perfect when you need a bit of me time

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A late night is like a social detox – Facebook falls silent, so too does Snapchat, and if you’re unfortunate enough to receive texts in the early hours, no one can expect you to reply to them.

Sit back, relax, and wallow in your misanthropy.

3. There’s a strange romance about the night

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“The stars are mansions built by nature’s hand,” wrote William Wordsworth in his sonnet of same name – one of literally thousands of poems inspired by the awesome quality of the night sky.

For legendary beauty, it’s up there with Santorini and Helen of Troy.

4. It’s really annoying to perk up at 11pm

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You’re too tired to work effectively during the day, get your second wind in the evening, enjoy your newfound productivity, and then are too tired to work again the following day.

Rinse and repeat.

5. You’re probably an accomplished binge watcher

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You’re so good, you could watch the whole of Titanic in 20 minutes flat.

6. You get the weirdest thoughts in the early hours

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If a jail and a prison are the same thing, why is a jailer the opposite of a prisoner?

7. Sometimes you have too much time to think

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Hello darkness, my old friend.

9. The night is the perfect time to have deep conversations

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You know how all deep and meaningful conversations tend to happen towards the end of the evening? That’s not just alcohol: there’s a private, conspiratorial feel to the witching hour that makes it a natural time to share.

10. However profound you’re feeling, it’s not the time for Twitter

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Social media has added a new dimension to the phrase, “Oh god, what did I do last night?”

11. Trying to get to sleep is the least effective way of getting to sleep

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It’s the night-time equivalent of being told to ‘calm down’.

12. It’s possible to feel too tired to go to bed

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I’m on the sofa, my toothbrush is in the bathroom, my bed is upstairs…

Ah well, guess I’ll sit here for another three hours.

13. Waking up requires drastic measures

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One snooze alarm down, 17 to go.

14. Early birds are the worst people in the entire world

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I don’t want to be a negative Nancy, but either join me in my pit of morning misery or go away.

15. At least you’ll always have coffee

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A morning mug of 100% blended bliss.

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